Pre-birthday

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? -Satchel Paige

I don't think I have the memories like every other person, the big birthday parties, mummy giving surprises, waking up to lots of presents, etc. I think the fact that my family or friends back home, don't value birthdays and surprises as much as what I would like it to be, had me started to question the meaning of celebrating birthdays. 

You don't feel significantly one year older after your birthday, your life doesn't change after that one day of your birthday nor do you feel like you have lived one year longer/ further of your life. One of my friend told me the other day, celebrating birthday is to celebrate you're closer to death. But we are closer to death everyday anyway, so should we really overrate birthdays, should we only appreciate the gift of life only once a year? The same applies to other special occasions, are you only grateful for your love one(s) on valentines day? Do you only remember how much sacrifices our Heavenly Father has made for us sinners on Easter?

Just to make it clear, I am not being negative or melancholy about it in any way, we all have feelings and they change over time. Surely I would love to have big parties every year on my birthday, all my friends and family would show up and I love getting presents, however, tomorrow will be the first birthday that I will be spending alone and it is my 18th which is a special one supposedly. I have honestly stopped worrying or thinking about it because there is no point expecting anything, as I had quite a huge celebration last year. For the past years, I have spent my birthdays with my friends at school or last year we had a party in a special studio place, no none of my family member was there except for my cousin. I have begun to get used to not have it a big deal because you can't always have what others have, I should be grateful for what I have and am given in life. I had the opportunity to compete before my birthday, I made it into qualifier for Blackpool, I had a parcel form a friend of mine who studies in England as well, and my friends and I are going out for dinner and drinks tomorrow night. Also I am possibly going to watch a competition at Blackpool on Saturday, so it is pretty much dance-heavy, I should be happy for it.

Sometimes I could be stubborn at things, I want things to happen in a certain ways and if they don't, I would get so upset or uncomfortable about it. Turning 18 should be a big deal for me, I will be a legal adult soon, as much as I am not mentally prepared I still am excited about it. I would say I have always been responsible for things I do, but I guess turning 18 is one less excuse for me?

X

Dream came true

23rd February 2014

I had one of the most amazing days in my life, because I have reached my dream finally, which is to dance at Blackpool.

I remember how I was so excited yet nervous about the day arriving, and I literally couldn't sleep for the whole night and stayed up until 4am when I had to wake up. So I started getting ready at 4am because my friends are picking me up at 6:30am, with 2.5 hours I still managed to be late *yay me*. So I ran the whole lane from my school to where my friends pick me up, with my half done makeup and my gigantic luggage. Then I fell asleep on the car on the way to Southend. When we first arrived the sports centre, I thought it was quite a decent looking building, but when we got inside it was really not lol. I started seeing people looking professional and when we had the opportunity to warmup, I spotted quite a lot of good dancers, thats when I started to panic.

My first event was ballroom, Waltz, frankly it was my first ever competition for ballroom and I had no idea what to expect. While I was dancing the Waltz, I felt like a puppet being moved around, its so much different than Latin where you could express yourself more, I actually had the time to think whether to smile or not, and I chose not to… for some reason. Of course, when they announced the semifinal round, I didn't get in and I couldn't control my tears streaming down my face. I was trying to sit aside and hide my tears, but it was almost impossible because it was an open space, everybody knew I was crying, looked ridiculous, whats more.

I then calmed myself down, after 10 hours of waiting it was finally the second half of the competition, Latin category. It was tiring to just watch the ballroom events, I fell asleep on a chair which is very rare for me. My energy just boosted up after changing into my Latin dress, we all started to warmup and I couldn't feel better and more excited! Because it was a medalist competition, they offer various levels for both ballroom and latin dances: social dancing, pre-bronze, bronze, silver, gold and gold star. Ironically, I was put by my teacher at pre-bronze ballroom and gold star latin, which is very weird because I honestly have not done ballroom and I don't find myself obsessed with it. Anyway, back to the competition bit, the first round I did was not good at all, I was nervous, I missed steps and it was just upsetting. My anxiety was so bad that I kept talking to myself and praying to god just to feel better, and when I heard my number (328) for the final round, I literally jumped and said YES!

Before knowing I got into final, I told myself that if only I would have one more chance, I would give my 100% and yolo *HA* And so I did, I went out and stretched every pose to maximum, I loved and enjoyed the whole experience so much! In the final, I think I did better than the first round, we didn't miss any steps and it felt good. After that my coach pointed me to the judge panel and said something which I didn't hear, I even thought he told me to bow to the judges, but actually he told me to get the qualifier ticket at Blackpool from the judge panel!!! Funny enough, I actually thought it wasn't final, but it flipping was and my dream to dance at Blackpool has come true!! I was jumping for joy and couldn't be happier, didn't care if anybody thought I was overreacting but I literally jumped too much and broke my necklace…

Anyway, it was a great day indeed! The trophy was the best birthday present for my 18th and the fact that my dream finally came true is like a cherry on top. I couldn't thank my coach enough for being so supportive and he is one of the best coaches I have had, I don't think any of these would happen without him really. I can't wait for what's coming ahead and my journey of dancing will only get more exciting!

X

28 Facts about me.

Leggo!

1. I love dancing more than anything, literally.
2. I haven't sent my UCAS and I had a nightmare last night dreaming that all the Universities have stopped receiving applications, which makes me super nervous.
3. Hospital and ambulances are my worst fear.
4. People get the impression of me being really quiet and cold but I really am not.
5. I can't eat spicy food, not even a little bit…
6. I LOVE pizzas and junk food, super unhealthy.
7. I never really workout (as in going to jog or the gym).
8. I have the biggest dark circles, they look like bruises, literally…
9. I am super lazy.
10. And because of that, I never use conditioners or any hair products, but my hair managed to be quite healthy and decent.
11. Too many insecurities.
12. I love art, every kind.
13. I love England, its my favourite place so far.
14. I didn't watch any cartoons growing up, not any of those disney films too.
15. I have 4 puppies.
16. I don't really have a favourite subject, but my least favourite is definitely languages.
17. My favourite food is chicken!
18. Favourite TV show is definitely keeping up with the Kardashians
19. I dislike somebody really easily, but it takes me a lot to hate a person.
20. I do not have a nice relationship with my parents.
21. I can never buy the shoes I want in Hong Kong because they usually don't have my size :(
22. I love watching youtube, its in my daily routine.
23. Can never choose between mascara and concealer to be my favourite makeup product hmm
24. Fashion-addict
25. I used to play the piano, recorder, guitar and saxophone.
26. I used to sing opera as well *haha*
27. I get attached too easily that I am scared for myself sometimes.
28. My favourite number is 28, or 2 & 8 alone :)

They are more like random facts that I just came up with, don't judge haha x 

Dance life

I have been dancing for years, and particularly dancesport I am talking about. And I have been to many studios and had classes with quite a number of teachers, all I have realised until now is that, I have never been treasured as a student, and was I ever valuable to any of the dance company besides winning titles under their names?

There was a studio that I used to go, and I have stayed for 3 years more or less, it used to be one of the top studios in Hong Kong. Joining the studio from a complete beginner until my teacher shaped me through the advanced category, I appreciate the things he did for me and had me improve in a fast pace indeed. From a complete beginner to one of the strongest dancer within the studio, I have not been treated the way I should've been compared to now, then I realised that I was just a winning asset to the studio.

Frankly, I could say I have been to all of the top schools in Hong Kong regardless of time frame, and most of which are business-oriented or theres a strong bond between everybody but still competitive behind backs. The later one is worse, new-bee wise, they have been bonding for years and you have to go through all the jealousy and challenges (as in isolation or simply bullying) until you can bond with them, its a golden rule. You might wonder, if the teacher knows any of these, I could certainly tell you yes and they know every bits of those but they never stop nor try to stop, its traumatising. The dance world is like another world I live in, it is not how non-dancers think how peaceful it is or chill, you have to deal with too many things other than dancing.

After all the dramas, I have decided to take a break off this unrealistic world, also because I decided to study overseas. And the first summer I got back, I went to another studio and because I wanted to solely maintain my progress but not be entirely committed competitively, I chose this middle-rank studio. At the beginning, all the tension in the air was horrific, because you never want to be the outstanding one in the dance floor at a group class. Not saying I was the best in class, but people there were completely different than what I used to, they were more laid back and more like dancing as a hobby. As a not very outspoken person, I didn't merge in at the very beginning which I understood it myself, but the teachers were so lovely that I had a feeling that that was the one. During my first competition with this school, I was told to be in the same category with the top girl within the school, I was nervous as I could ever be and at the end I got first and she came in second. Should've been happy for my result, but no, because then I had to worry about all the knifes that are pointing towards me, the last thing you wanted to witness was that girl crying. I wasn't supposed to feel bad but I did, I felt wrong for winning and thats not right. In a 17-year-old stubborn mind, the first thing I could think of was quitting. If it wasn't my teacher trying to convince me to stay, or my ambition in dancing I would've never stayed, which if I did that would be a terrible decision. Days after competition, things started to change, and I started to get along with everybody at the studio. I have even became best friends with that girl! I had the best time bonding with those girls and my teacher, it felt like more than a dance school to me.

However, the coach that is currently coaching me in the UK is more than amazing, totes blows the others far away. Not exaggerating but I love dancing here more than anywhere else, it is so different than dancing in Hong Kong. The fact that I get much more knowledge of dancing, and I am appreciated for my effort and talent they said, makes me feel so blessed and grateful. Dancers here may not be as excellent as the ones in my old studios, but a different style of teaching definitely caught me. At first I didn't agree nor liked how they emphasis on the importance of the theory behind each steps, I thought it was the most boring thing, probably because all of the teachers I had only aimed to teach me the choreography so that I could compete instead of teaching me how to dance. Dancing here has definitely widened my vision in dancing, it is much more than being competitive, I love dancing so much and t doesn't get any less.

X

¡San Valentin!

It's the night before the storm, it's the another day of
Finest lovers, films, and a sea of dead romance.
I would have thought to be awful, pitiful, and
Perhaps rather dancing through the other end.
But it was not, it was a beautiful virtual romance.
You would share the sweetest confection,
the past to be remembered because that grabbed nobody's attention…

Your red little presence hides a pumping affection.
And I would so remember the interactions,
Poor little heart, a little angel jumping too fast.
If I could once again touch the smoke of the very last
Time we spent, bye we said,
How would I ever understand the mess?
As if we would ever share the sheets…

In this mystery I would seek,
Because your paws feels so close yet so far
If I were to climb down the bar.
Romeo and Juliet,
They would escape like you said,
And I said to the wonderland.
The blacks and the whites,
Oh how I wish to be that audience,
Be your one standing ovation.

Freezy. Rainy. Shiny sides.
Fear to be so close to you, and
This is no another misunderstanding.
Spanish romance and the flamingo beginning,
Tap my toes, claps with the flow.
It's another night of cuteness,
That I am looking forward to more madness.

You are special like today,
healing my worn out scarf that he touched yesterday.

Bits and pieces

A biker leather jacket is a must-have! You can never get bored of it and it goes well from edgy to classy looks, one can never have enough of it. One of mine is from Zara, it looks the same as this one but with a little more details on the arm parts and without the fur on the shoulder part.

I am loving the california style quite a lot lately, a crop top and high waisted shorts topped with a kimono is perfect for a day out, simple yet fashionable. The kimono kind of makes the whole look complete? Lets be realistic, it looks like you have put some effort than just a crop top and a pair of shorts :P

I absolutely fell in one with these heels, they are just perfect for summer. It's not really easy to wear heels in summer especially when you're doing something like punting or going to the park, you would obviously want to wear ballerinas or sandals. But this, I can't resist… (Only the fact that my dancer feet ruined the whole idea and image of it)

Another california style, I can't contain myself really! I love the floppy hat (desperate for one lately) and the shorts or jumpsuit is to die for, its so simple yet edgy enough. Relatively I am not as into the heels, I think they are difficult to wear? In a sense that they don't look good on everybody, so :)

The is more of a winter look, quite suitable for the windy weather in the UK atm, except for the rainy bit which is probably not the best thing to wear fur. I really like wearing fur but again, it could be really over-the-top depending on the design I reckon. I like how this jacket has full-on fur but still gives a bit of rock-chic and stylish look, and the skinny jeans balance out the body line. I have a jacket that looks exactly the same but in different colour, will definitely try something new with it!

Killer heels, I have been searching for them for quite a while and after trying them on I feel like they don't suit me very well? But I will definitely give it a go very soon, as classic as it is, still out of my comfort zone for some reasons…

As you may reckon, all of these bits and pieces are in black or mostly black. I think black is really more than just a colour, its like a personality thing, thats why 3/4 of my wardrobe is black. lols. 

X

Life happens, while you're making other plans.

Life happens, while you're trying to understand.

You're kicking it in the shade

and you're thinking you got it made,

Life is gonna happen to you anyway.

I particular love this song, the rhythm and the lyrics are just too beautiful. There are many posts on social networks saying things like you should treasure your life and make it count, because time, love and life are not persuadable. I know this might sound cliche or cheesy, but it really is true that we should keep doing what we love and what we should do, no matter what. Stop making excuses to skip school, stop procrastinating on work, and stop doing what you enjoy doing. 

Being in a place with lots of distractions, bad influences and basically a place that doesn't really feel comfortable is difficult. You have teachers who would pick on you and staff that be mean to you, friends that skip school all the time (which in a way motivated me fortunately), food that make you feel sick and so on. But life still happens, there are way many other people on planet earth who live a much more difficult life, dealing with more sickness and hunger.

Sometimes I wish somebody actually understand what I really want, and what I really am thinking. It's really not about the Chanel bag or Louboutin, I do know what I am doing and where I am heading. Just because I dance all the time does not mean that I have no plans on getting into University, and I don't have to be the top student in my year to get the most knowledge. I do understand the overprotective policy, I would too be if I were a parent myself, but the fact is you cannot control a person's life. 

Ultimately, what comes around goes around. There really is no point getting frustrated or anything because life is gonna happen anyway~~ Writing a post while you're sick doesn't seem like a very good idea does it haha

X

My first time

First best friend

I have such a bad memory so I don't remember a lot of things, but I used to go through all the childhood pictures at home, so I guess my first best friend was KaKa. We went to the same kindergarten and primary school together, and I still remember that we went to every school trip together. The funniest one was when we went to a farm (more like an entertaining farm really because nobody actually make a living out of it but from tourists), we got to do all the fun things like feeding the cows haha x 

First kiss

If a first kiss means just a peck on the lips, then I think I was in primary school and he was my dance partner too. We used to hang out together all the time (sometimes my brother would third-wheel us too for some reasons…), and he kissed me in the pool once when we went swimming. But the real first kiss that meant something to me was to a guy that I fell so much for, we were at a cafe and he was so cute. yeah :)

First concert

It was back in Hong Kong, where concerts are boring and you literally get no excitement. It was a singer that I wasn't familiar with (don't remember her name…) and I am still not sure why I went there lol I am not a big fan of cantonese music either, so this does not seem very interesting.

First celebrity crush

Okay, don't judge me. I was in secondary school, shameless teenager, yolo-ing life everyday. Brace yourselves. Yes it was Justin Bieber. I still remember how I had his posters in my room and I used to recite all the lyrics and sing them all the time, the raps too. Oh my days hahaha

First word

I have absolutely no clue to be frank, I guess it was mama?

First pet

Oh this is fun. So I have never thought of having pets when I was younger, I was afraid of dogs and dislike every other kinds of pet. One day my mum called and said there was a chihuahua that walked into her company and when my mum tried to lead her back out to try to find her owners, she refused to and kept walking back to my mum's office. Then my mum said she would keep her in her company for a while and see if somebody would come and look for her, but nobody every came and asked, she had no microchip in her body so we decided to bring her home. That night my mum brought her home, we had pasta for dinner, and guess what? we named her pasta (in fact pasta in cantonese). 

First job

I have never had a proper job, first because it is not legal to work in my country under 18 and I didn't have a feeling of getting a job. But last summer, my mum got me an internship at a company partnering a German company. The first day was so awful, and I hated it from the beginning when I had to take an hour ride there and got lost. And that whole day I have not done anything productive as I was not given any tasks, until my first task was to type a whole pile of data into excel docs. The second day I was not feeling it at all, I felt ill and went home… (not very responsible there oops) Then I quitted the next day.

First phone

I loved my first phone! I got my first phone in primary school, and it was a special edition of a mobile phone company, which they only have a fixed number of them. It was a white flip phone with a bit of silver colour, and I had them glued with rhinestones all over it, pink and silver, the cutest phone ever!

First tweet

I have had 4 twitters? I don't know, I have this thing of opening way too many accounts for social networks (FYI I have 3 facebooks and 5 blog sites), but I don't use the old ones after I setup a new one. Anyway, I think my first tweet was "Hi Twitter!!!!! so this is my first tweet!!". Pretty lame I know.

First makeup

I don't actually remember but I think my mum bought like a whole bunch of just normal drugstore makeup when I was in primary school, because I started to join latin dance competitions and of course you need loads of makeup. So I don't have a particular first makeup product, or not that I remember of.

Thats it! Again, you're tagged if you're reading this :) 

X

TMI

1: What are you wearing? A hoodie, jeans and socks. Just another chilly school day outfit :)

2: Ever been in love? Yes.

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? I don't think so, because when the question says "terrible" I picture it to be quite extreme *tumblr influences* , so no.

4: How tall are you? I am always not sure whether I am 5'8 or 5'7, so I'd say 5'7.5?

5: How much do you weigh? TMI TMI...

6: Any tattoos? No

7: Any piercings? Two on each ear :)

8: OTP? If Zalfie counts :P

9: Favorite Show? Currently I am addicted to KUWTK

10: Favorite bands? not a big fan of bands, but I do like Imagine dragons and Peace

11: Something you miss? I miss being on vacation :3 oh that kind of life!

12: Favorite song? I have a lot but currently be Life happens - Brandon and Leah

13: How old are you? 17

14: Zodiac sign? pisces

15: Quality you look for in a partner? It really depends, but I think intelligence, attentiveness and thoughtfulness?

16: Favorite Quote? "If its mean't to be, it will be." 

17: Favorite actor? Not a big fan of movies, but I'd say Natalie Portman.

18: Favorite color? Wear black, use pink.

19: Loud music or soft? I'd say both, depends on occasions.

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? I either go to dance or go to bed lol

21: How long does it take you to shower? At home I take one from half to one hour, but since now I live at school and they have set up this sensor lights, so if you take a shower for too long, lights will suddenly goes off, so I am always afraid to take too long...

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? haha for school it takes half an hour to 45 mins, but if I am going out then I take so much longer. 2 hours or so?

23: Ever been in a physical fight? Yes haha

24: Turn on? hmm… it really could be anything :) 

25: Turn off? creepiness...

27: Fears? Biggest ones - hospitals and ambulances.

28: Last thing that made you cry? It was on the first day of Chinese New Year, thanks teachers. A mixture of many things really~

29: Last time you said you loved someone? To Annabell or Larissa (don't remember which haha)

31: Last book you read? Midsummer night's dream

32: The book you’re currently reading? Canterbury Tales

33: Last show you watched? Dance moms

34: Last person you talked to? Holly

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? Coach-student

36: Favorite food? I have no idea, I have a love&hate relationship with food.

37: PlaceS you want to visit? (yes I added the 's') St. Petersburg, Mykonos, Ibiza, Milan, Paris, Dubai, Bora Bora, Maldives, and so on~~~

38: Last place you were? School...

39: Do you have a crush? :) I guess so yeah

40: Last time you kissed someone? After dance class lol

41: Last time you were insulted? Don't really remember

42: Favourite flavour of sweet? strawberry

43: What instruments do you play? Piano, guitar, recorder and saxophone

44: Favourite piece of jewellery? I love my pearl necklace

45: Last sport you played? I danced yesterday <3

46: Last song you sang? let her go - passenger 

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? Went to dinner with my tutor group, if that counts

50: Who should answer these questions next? If you're reading, you're tagged!

X