I don't think I have the memories like every other person, the big birthday parties, mummy giving surprises, waking up to lots of presents, etc. I think the fact that my family or friends back home, don't value birthdays and surprises as much as what I would like it to be, had me started to question the meaning of celebrating birthdays.
You don't feel significantly one year older after your birthday, your life doesn't change after that one day of your birthday nor do you feel like you have lived one year longer/ further of your life. One of my friend told me the other day, celebrating birthday is to celebrate you're closer to death. But we are closer to death everyday anyway, so should we really overrate birthdays, should we only appreciate the gift of life only once a year? The same applies to other special occasions, are you only grateful for your love one(s) on valentines day? Do you only remember how much sacrifices our Heavenly Father has made for us sinners on Easter?
Just to make it clear, I am not being negative or melancholy about it in any way, we all have feelings and they change over time. Surely I would love to have big parties every year on my birthday, all my friends and family would show up and I love getting presents, however, tomorrow will be the first birthday that I will be spending alone and it is my 18th which is a special one supposedly. I have honestly stopped worrying or thinking about it because there is no point expecting anything, as I had quite a huge celebration last year. For the past years, I have spent my birthdays with my friends at school or last year we had a party in a special studio place, no none of my family member was there except for my cousin. I have begun to get used to not have it a big deal because you can't always have what others have, I should be grateful for what I have and am given in life. I had the opportunity to compete before my birthday, I made it into qualifier for Blackpool, I had a parcel form a friend of mine who studies in England as well, and my friends and I are going out for dinner and drinks tomorrow night. Also I am possibly going to watch a competition at Blackpool on Saturday, so it is pretty much dance-heavy, I should be happy for it.
Sometimes I could be stubborn at things, I want things to happen in a certain ways and if they don't, I would get so upset or uncomfortable about it. Turning 18 should be a big deal for me, I will be a legal adult soon, as much as I am not mentally prepared I still am excited about it. I would say I have always been responsible for things I do, but I guess turning 18 is one less excuse for me?