Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Stuck in the middle.

You can never please everybody in life, and not everything goes the way you want it to be, so I always find myself stuck in the middle which I loathe. No matter it's between family, relationship,  friendship or your own self, it sucks to be stuck in the middle…

I find myself stuck in between my family, my parents are divorced and so I am stuck between my dad and my mum & brother. I do not think I can ever take sides, even though I am physically on my mum & brother side, and the fact that my dad seems nothing less like a stranger to me now. I guess being stuck in the middle is more of a frustration here, because the whole divorce has changed my brother and I tremendously, in terms of personality, the way we behave and our thoughts. I do agree that I grew to be more of a independent thinker, and as much as my friends think I am a baby, I feel like I am generally more mature than others that are the same age as me. I have not actually talked my brother into this topic, as we never really talked about the whole incidence, but I do reckon that he would feel the same way and seeing his changes, from being so lost in life to now a marketing director, I truly am proud of him.

In relationships, I have to say the stage between being more than friends and being real couples, is the worst pain haha. Partly because I am not really the person that take initiatives a lot, and I could be blind or drown sometimes that I don't get anything. It scares me sometimes, it does, and when I am scared or lost I tend to hide and escape from things. That is not really a good thing, is it? That is why I hate leaving things unfinished, being stuck in the question mark, in the shade…

Being stuck in friendships is genuinely not strange, you for instance have two very good friends but they don't get along, so you are stuck between them. How can you react when one is ranting on about the other? What do you do when you have to invite both of them to your birthday dinner? It is not easy to please people and that is not what I would do anyway, I am just saying it sucks. I guess what I usually do is to just listen and not care or get into their businesses, partly because I am not bothered to put effort into being all nosy, partly because I have no time and energy to have spare one more portion out of me lol

The most difficult and frustrating thing is being stuck in your own self, and I reckon that happens a lot especially to teenagers, when we think we know a lot but we actually don't, so we are stuck when something goes wrong. I am the same when it comes to over-thinking, which I am trying to work on doing less, but getting your mind all tangled up will only make things worse. I have had my past, doing stupid things, wasting time on stupid people, and so on. If I had a chance to turn that around, why would I not spend those times, reading good books, eating pizzas and dance in the rain?


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